Her previous husband had been a wealthy heir. So she was used to a high lifestyle. But before the pregnancy, she seemed to emphatically enjoy my company. She exuded positivity. We'd go on vacation and she'd say things like: 'Isn't it wonderful here? The air is so nice.' She changed when she got pregnant, but I thought: 'Maybe it's just hormones.' I tried to do the right thing so we got engaged. She needed a very big ring. She'd taken some gemologist courses, so she dragged me around for weeks while she looked for the perfect stone. Then she turned her attention to me. She sent me to a custom tailor. She made me get a $12,000 watch. She was so concerned with appearances. She told everyone that her father was a top executive when I knew he was a middle manager. In retrospect, you can see the patterns, but in the moment you're just like; 'Fuck, hopefully things will go back to normal tomorrow.'
My wife was never happy, and everything had to be adjusted to that situation. In her mind, everyone was always against her. She had a constant sense of victimhood. I saw her journal one day, and without going into detail, I will say it seems that she had a very abusive childhood. But that translated into a non-stop, throbbing anxiety. She'd pick fights with shopkeepers. She went through three different dentists. She made one of them refund her invisible braces because she could see them. Her friendships would last an average of four months before she manufactured a reason to break them off. And she'd always try to get me on her side during these feuds. If I tried to talk reason to her, she'd claim that I was against her too. One day my mother's friend was walking behind my wife on the street, and overheard her talking about getting a divorce. I'd seen up close how vindictive she could be, so I decided to get a lawyer too. We'd signed a prenup, so my lawyer told me that I'd have very little leverage. And I knew my wife would chisel anything she could from me. So my lawyer told me: 'This is going to be extremely tough, and many of my clients can't handle it. But the law allows you to remain in your apartment during the proceeding. If you stay in the house with her, our one bargaining chip will be her desire to get you out of the house.'
I told her I wasn't going to leave the home during the divorce. She tried to scream but I stood my ground. I slept on the couch. She locked herself in the bedroom. Things were so tense that I'd piss in a cup to keep from going to the bathroom. My lawyer told me to record everything. So I kept my iPhone on 'record' while it was in my pocket. One morning I was eating breakfast with my son, and she walks in the kitchen and says to my son: 'Dylan, let's play a game. Let's see if Daddy has a recording device.' Then she came and started going through my pockets. I tried to push her hand away, and she said; 'Dylan come help Mommy search Daddy.' I kept trying to push her hand away, and she started screaming: 'Stop hitting me! Stop hitting me! Put down the scissors! Somebody call the police!' Our nanny ran in the room, sees me holding my wife's arm, and ran to get help. My wife reported domestic violence and filed a restraining order. My hand is shaking just talking about it.
I recently returned from seventeen days of backpacking on the Pacific Crest Trail. I took up backpacking after I got through the divorce. It was my way of regaining some control. After five years of adjusting everything to her, it gave me something to focus on that was only for me. I love to plan the trips. I love to look at the maps, and pick the best trails, and study the elevation profiles so I can choose the campsite with the best view. There is no pressure when I'm backpacking except for the pressure I put on myself. In the city, It seems that I always have a reason for being in a place. I'm in this park right now because my therapy session was half a block away. But when I'm backpacking, the only reason I'm in a place is just to be there. And that's very cathartic.
Human's of New York is one of my favorite Facebook accounts to follow. He's got photo stories down to an art. This one really touched base with me. I love what he says about when you are backpacking, the only reason for being in a place is just to be there. That feeling can be down right therapeutic. Checkout the Humans Of New York website, www.humansofnewyork.com. Better yet, buy the book.
