China

Going to China was a very special experience for me. My father is from Trinidad, but of Chinese decent. Therefore, I'm half Chinese. However growing up, I always knew that I didn't quite fit in with Chinese people because we are half-breeds. A picture of my extended family looks like an ad for United Color of Benetton. All of the elders on my father's side married people of other races. The Chinese connection is what binds our family but we weren't raised particularly Asian. They assimilated very well and we are fundamentally Caribbean. Well at least that was my experience. My father is a different story. His parents were actually from China and although he didn't grow up there he was much more influenced by that connection. Although he is Caribbean, being Chinese makes up more of his identity that I understand.

Therefore going to China was an incredibly interesting situation for our family. Organized by the matriarch of the family, we travelled in a massive group of 26 people. Family from around the world came together so that we could make that this trip together. There's safety in numbers and we were a traveling tribe making our way to our ancestral land. I think the trip meant different things to each member of the group. For the elders of Chinese heritage, they were going back to their roots. They got the opportunity to get in touch with a part of themselves that they had to suppress in order to be accepted in the Caribbean and better yet they get to show the younger members of the family pieces of themselves that were forgotten. While for others it was less going back to our roots and more getting in touch with a part of our identity that we know very little about. Then there were those who married into the situation and were just along for the ride.

When I first got to China I thought it is different but its still all the same. I started to think cities are the same around the world. Old World, New World, East, West. It didn't matter we were half way around the world, there is a certain similarity with all cities that now seems very familiar. However, the longer I was there, it was different. It was Asian. It was Communist. It was Foreign. There was a familiar basis so I knew I would survive but there was a certain foreignness which kept me on my toes.

Unfortunately I didn't experience the connection with China that I wanted. I enjoyed it. But I never felt the striking familiarity I wished for. I saw things which I didn't want to identify with. I realised they were characteristic of my father but I didn't want to identify with those traits. However, I did gain something else, Respect. Although I didn't identify with the traits I saw, I did gain a deep respect for what I saw and what they achieved. Their ways were different, however they worked. I saw that there are good people there and I may not understand them or their ways but that fundamental goodness is breathtaking.